Psst… wanna buy some good seed?
So… anyone wanna sneak outta here and go pull some weeds?
I used to have a garden as a kid, next to the grown-up garden, and it always seemed so… Americana. So wholesome. So old-fashioned goodness.
It was a lie. Gardens are evil.
This year, I decided I was gonna try it. I wasn’t going to do anything dangerous… you know, no corn or anything hardcore. Just the recreational stuff. Tomatoes and maybe some green peppers. Maybe a couple of pumpkins for the kids. They’re perfectly safe. Everyone does it.
I got my hub to turn over the ground, buy some good soil, some peat moss, build a nice little edge around it with some old 4×4’s that were laying around. I started my tomatoes. Two kinds. It was fun.
Peppers. Some cabbages. Fun, I say! Purely recreational.
Then, I saw it… and I couldn’t resist. Broccoli.
Yellow squash. Cucumbers. Radishes, watermelon, strawberries, three varieties of onions…
I pulled my hand back from the rack at the garden store. I can stop. See? I can stop. I did NOT buy the asparagus or the super jumbo pumpkins the size of Rhode Island.
Three weeks went by, and I didn’t touch the stuff.
Yesterday, I fell off the wagon. I was in the grocery store, minding my own business, hand-selecting only the healthiest, freshest produce for my family. Then I saw them.
Seeds… lots and lots of pretty paper packages of seeds. The colors were all so bright and pretty….
Zucchini, carrots, green beans, a five-variety-pack of herbs. And multicolored peppers… red, yellow, purple, chocolate, white… And pumpkins.
I got the little cooking pumpkins. Kids can carve a couple, I can make pies…
There’s no use pretending. I’m caught in the web of evil gardening madness.
Off to turn over another 6×6 section of the back yard…
(who will be hurting in the morning…)