Can I go back to my seat now?

I’ve signed up, I’ve picked a theme, I’ve even made my header graphic… can I go back to my seat now?

I thought it would be great to publish a book. You know, finally achieve the dream.  But now that my book comes out in 22 days (ARRRGGH!!) , I’ve got my back to the wall. I’ve realized I have to quit procrastinating and start building a web presence, letting people get to know me, learn about my book, my works in progress, and start jumping up and down at the pep rally, shouting, “Look at me!”

Well, let me fill you in on a little secret.  There’s a reason I completed a dozen full-length novels by the time I was sixteen, and it ain’t becuase I was hangin’ at pep rallies. Remember me? I was that kid in the back row who did her best to remain annonymous.  I even have an unlisted phone number.  I like to say its becuase I’m a scorpio, and I like my privacy, but mostly, its because I’m a loner and I like to do alone things.  Like write books.

But it’s not enough to write books anymore.  Now we gotta sell ’em.  We gotta promote ’em.  We gotta walk into a chatroom or a romance loop and stand up and say, “Hey, guys! So what’s everybody doing after game tonight?”

SO not me.  I’m a lurker.  I love to read the drama on all the loops, but I just hate to reply.  It’s like the internet equivalent of public speaking.  Here’s me:

<watches loop>

<reads posts>

<reads a funny post>

Types, “LOL!”

<rereads reply: “LOL!”>

<wonders, “was that post even supposed to be funny?”>

<wonders, “is that person going to think I’m laughing AT them?”>

<two hours and sixteen Dove darks later…>

<“are people gonna say, ‘who the hell is Fiona Vance?'”>


<closes email and wishes the internet would implode.>

Sigh.  Maybe I can start a 12-step program for Writers Who Hate Attention.

I mean, really. Why do you think they invented pen names? (Hint: A-n-n-o-n-y-m-i-t-y.)




5 responses

  1. Welcome to the paranoia! I’ve been pubbed for over a year and I still get a bit scared of responding to some emails from people I’m not familiar with.

    May 17, 2009 at 3:56 pm

  2. That’s hilarious and I can so relate! It seems like a LOT of writers are loners and…ummm…a bit on the socially inept side 😉 Speaking for myself, anyway. I’m such a bumbler. But if it’s any consolation to you, no one can tell you’re uncomfortable in chat and other online social places. 🙂

    May 18, 2009 at 2:16 am

    • Fiona Vance

      LOL! That’s becuase I pay someone to play me on t.v. Or online. Whatever 🙂 But thanks for the nice compliment.

      May 18, 2009 at 2:26 am

  3. Fiona Vance

    Wait, am I familiar with you? Are you a stalker? 🙂

    May 18, 2009 at 2:24 am

  4. I am THE stalker 😉 haha:)

    May 18, 2009 at 2:28 am

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